On the Menu and On The Record with Ken Hoffman
By Charlotte Aguilar

Some journalists count their awards, but West University’s Ken Hoffman has earned recognition of a different kind — five Houston-area menus that have popular food items named for him.

Although Hoffman chronicles pop culture in all its forms, it’s his unique take on fast food, deep-fried items at the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo, ballpark offerings, and ethnic and holiday festivals that have made him a sort of populist food critic — not just in Houston, but across the nation.

His rhapsodizing about the once-a-year sale of Donne di Domani spaghetti sauce, handmade by a group of Italian women to sell at the Nutcracker Market, almost singlehandedly made that venture a success. At last tally, the ladies (who use Hoffman each year to stick labels on their jars) have donated more than $2 million to charity.

After spotting Hoffman’s name on an over-the-top sundae at The Chocolate Bar recently, Essentials decided to learn more about his foodie history.

Q: Can you briefly explain your “qualifications” as a foodie?

A: When I joined the Houston Chronicle, the features section was starting a magazine called the “Dining Guide.” The editor asked if I would contribute restaurant reviews. I said, “I rarely eat sitting down — unless it’s when I’m driving. I don’t know very much about food. How about if I review fast food restaurants, because that’s where I eat, and there seem to be a lot of cars in the drive-through?

The editor said, ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. Nobody would read those reviews.’ I did a few anyway, and they caught on with readers. A month later, I got a call from King Features Syndicate in New York They asked if they could syndicate my reviews to newspapers around the country. That’s how it started, and I’ve branched out to reviewing all sorts of damaging food. I’ve been doing those weekly drive-through reviews for 21 years, never missing a week. So I’ve done more than 1,000 of them. My cholesterol is higher than yours.

Q: I understand you have five menu items bearing your name. Could you please list them and the locations? And to your knowledge, is there anyone else who has their name on more Houston menus than you?

A:

• “Ken Hoffman New York Hot Dog” at Minute Maid Park.
• "Hoffy Burger” at Demeris Barbecue
• "Ken Hoffman is Totally Nuts” ice cream at The Chocolate Bar
• "Hoffy Twist Donut” at Shipley Do-Nuts
• "Ken Hoffman Double-Decker Chicken Salad Sandwich” at Kenny & Ziggy’s.

Can’t imagine anybody has more things named after them. Most people don’t have as much free time as I do.

Q: What’s the backstory on some or all of how these items were named for you?

A: A few years ago, Lisa Falkenberg won a Pulitzer Prize for the Houston Chronicle. Of course I was insanely jealous. I had to do something to match her. I could have worked really hard and written a sensational series of columns for the Chronicle, like Lisa did. Nah, way too much work.

I know! I'll convince the Houston Astros to name a hot dog after me!

Lisa may have a Pulitzer Prize, the highest honor in journalism. But I’ve been immortalized in processed meat at a Major League Baseball stadium. I think you'll agree that I’ve topped Lisa.

Q: Do you actually eat these dishes?

A: I’m what you’d call a good eater. It sounds like a lot more than it really is. We’re talking one fast food item a week. The only time I really get in trouble is when the rodeo opens, and I sample something from every food booth on the carnival midway. That’s when I file a complaint with my union shop steward.

Q: Do you believe someone perusing a menu and pondering their choices might actually say, “Damn — if Ken Hoffman’s name is on it, that’s wha tI want to be eating?

A: I like to think that half of my readers fall into a basket of deplorable eating habits.

Q: What’s your reaction when an eatery asks to name something after you? Honor, bemusement?

A: I usually know the people who own the place and we concoct the menu item together. So it’s a collaborative effort. It took Yonny Demeris and me more than a year to develop the Hoffy Burger. We had almost given up, when Yonny got the finishing touch — an onion ring and barbecue sauce on a sweet sourdough bun!

Yonny will always be a genius in my eyes. He should run for political office.

Q: What’s in it for the restaurant, by using your name? Are they looking to you for publicity? You can singlehandedly put an item on readers’ radar.

A: Demeris Barbecue would be a flea market without the success of the Hoffy Burger.

Q: Have you ever turned down having something bear your name?

A: Since I always have a hand in creating the item, there’s no reason for me to turn it down. When the Astros introduced the Ken Hoffman New York Hot Dog, it came with some weird mustard from Ohio. That sent me into a deep depression. I had to visit Lourdes, that’s how bad it got. Finally I convinced stadium officials to switch the mustard to Gulden’s Spicy Brown, and all is good again.

Q: You once told me you’d been quite heavy in your younger days. How do you eat all this stadium-deep fried-carnival-festival food and keep your svelte figure?

A: I work in media and I have a kid in college, so you can imagine the stress coursing through my veins. I find stress and constant worry to be the ultimate weight control strategy.

From http://www.magazinevolume.com/19125IN/pubData/mobile/index.htm#/14/